Drumming Circle - September

Tonight Joyce was back from her holiday so her circle was back on again.

I really got tonight how there are fanatics in every religion. Tonight, some of the Sage got knocked and spilled on the floor and this woman started freaking out. Then when we were going around the circle and speaking from our hearts she used that time to essentially blame Louise who had accidentally knocked the Sage saying that in some cultures tonight would not have continued had that occured. I honestly cannot believe that God/dess/Spirit/Universe would stop helping us, or push misfortune on us for accidentally knocking over the incense. If I wanted that kind of blame or guilt associated with my worship I'd go back to Catholicism. Then after the circle the woman insisted that we drink some Sage tea or else 'bad things will happen to us.' Sorry, you may bring that sort of karma into your life but in my life I can't believe that they want harm just for an accident.

On a more positive note I have bought a drum, she sounds beautiful, I can see a wolf head and a horse head in her face and has this deep resounding beat. Joyce got me to play it, while another woman played a flute to consecrate it.

The drumming tonight was quite frenzied in parts, speeding up so much, and while I wondered at times if I should take a break I kept going. My muscles don't seem too sore now but we will see later.

Witchcraft Paganism Questions

From Hearthwitch Cottage

Basics

How did you find Witchcraft/Paganism?

I was introduced to it by a friend from highschool. I will admit I was originally more interested in the spells than the spirituality side of it (what 15 year old wouldn’t be?) but as I read more about it the spiritual side began to emerge. This was 12 years ago now and while I have gone through periods of intense worship and then next to nothing, I still count myself to be a witch.

How long have you been practising?

12 years give or take. I believe my first ritual was Ostara 1998.

Solitary or group practitioner?

I have done both. When I was starting my friend and I would do Sabbat rituals together, but mostly any spell work etc by ourselves. We then formed a Circle with my then partner and another girl we met through a witchcraft workshop. This lasted for about a year before I moved overseas for 18 months. I took on the role of the group organiser most of the time, so when I was out of the country, it kind of fell apart.

What is your path?

I have gone through several paths throughout the last few years. I was strictly Wiccan for a while, then got called to worship Hecate, then evolved into Hellenistic worship (following all of the Ancient Greek deities) and am now still figuring out what to call my path. I am definitely more attuned with the Goddess side of paganism, though this probably means that at some point I do need to re-evaluate the God side too for balance.

Lately I am called to several paths. I feel a strong connection to Shamanism and I am involved in several women’s groups, one drumming circle and am constantly learning things from these wonderful women. One of the women’s groups is Goddess Spirituality oriented, the other is Koori Shamanism focused. The drumming circle is mixed gender.

Are you out of the broom closet?

To anyone that asks, yes. I don’t go around just telling people that I’m a Witch and I certainly don’t dress stereotypically. But I am honest if people want to know.

What are your favourite holidays?

I definitely feel more connection to Samhain and Yule, most likely cause my group of friends celebrate these each year.

What if your least favourite holiday?

Imbolc and Lammas are the two that I feel least connected with.

Have you ever held a ritual on a holiday?

Frequently. I often wrote them for the groups I was involved with.

Ever taken a day off work to celebrate a pagan holiday?

Not yet.

Do you celebrate Yule on the 21 rather than the 25?

Yes I do

Have you ever felt the Veil thin?

Yes, this last year’s Samhain ritual was the most powerful one I have done.

Ever danced the Maypole?

Yes, as part of a ‘Living Art’ exhibit organised by one of my firends

How do you usually celebrate the pagan holidays?

Depends, if a group feast is organised then we generally all bring something to share to eat and have a ritual. If nothing is organised within the group I generally take a few minutes to honour the season but lately do not perform a ritual by myself.

Divination

Do you use Tarot?

Yes, I have several decks, my first one being the Shapeshifter Tarot and my latest one being the Robin Wood Tarot Deck

Do you use runes?

I have a set of citrine runes but do not use them

Do you use astrology?

Yes, I have studied Astrology in a formal class setting for 3 years.

Any other form of divination?

I use various Oracle Cards and try to pay attention to dreams

Gods and Goddess

Who are your patron Gods?

I’m not sure I have any at the moment

Who are your patron Goddesses?

Hecate was for a long while, I’m not sure she still is or whether its morphed into the generic Goddess with the different faces as needed.

Which Gods/Goddess' do you worship?

I am more Greek Pantheon based, I feel more comfortable with them

Do you fear dark aspects of the Gods/Goddess, or rather, respect them?

I respect them for the most part. The dark aspects occasionally scare me, or make me angry, but I am learning to trust that they are all part of life.

Nature

Do you regularly commune with nature?

Not as regularly as I should

Ever walked barefoot in the woods?

Once or twice, but nor as often as I should

Describe the moment you felt closest to Mother Earth?

While camping I feel her strongly, looking up at the stars and breathing in the cool air.

What is/are your power animal(s)?

Horse, Dog, Hawk

Do you have a familiar?

I am owned by a couple of cats but I’m not sure either are my familiars.

Spells

What was the first spell you did?

I did a prosperity spell when I was younger and it worked very effectively.

What was the latest?

I can’t remember the last spell I did. I’m trying to reconcile spell casting with my current belief thinking. I have done protection visualisations for my house and shielded myself against unwanted energies.

Ever done a love spell?

No.

A job spell?

Yes, but it was generic, not a I want X job, it was a I want a job that will bring me x, y, z.

A healing spell?

Yes

Cryptozoology

Do you believe in Vampires?

Energy Vampires yes

Werewolves?

The myths probably stemmed from Shamans

Shape shifters?

In the shamanic sense, yes.

Elves? Faeries? Dragons? Nymphs? Sprites? Mermaids? Sirens? Satyrs?

Why not? They make the world more magical to think about

Ghosts/Spirits?

Yes

Ever "seen" any of the above?

Yes

Do you have one of them as a personal guardian?

Yes

Other Witchy Wonderings

Do you see a rabbit, a man or a woman in the moon?

A man

Do you own a cat?

I am owned by 2

When you meditate what does your sacred place look like?

A meadow with a Greek temple

Do you believe in soul mates?

Yes, though I believe you have a soul circle of friends, a group of people who you chose to meet this life who are here to help you learn one of your lessons for this life. I believe that you do know who these people are, they are the ones you meet and just instantly click with, likewise the ones you instantly dislike. Its the instant reactions that is your soul recognising them

Is it always love and light?

No, in fact frequently is awkward and bad timing and painful.

Turtle Woman (Tree Heart) Women's Circle - September

It had been a couple of months since I went to Turtle Woman's Womens Circle. I now know it is called the Tree Heart Circle, which I like.

Brought up a lot of things that I needed healing for, mostly around my guilt surrounding Kim's death, the whole idea that if what we think and speak manifests, then how did I not have some part in her death, considering I imagined what would happen if she died prior to the last round of diagnosis. I asked for healing and understanding from Spirit, and immediately afterwards Louise sat me down and we had a good chat. She's apparently taking me under her wing to try and help through these issues. Ask and ye shall receive.

The card I pulled was The Morning Star which immediately spoke of hope to me. However I then immediately quashed that and went on and on in my head about how I don't understand the card and couldn't possibly understand it etc. I sat in my own darkness and didn't want to come out. I acknowledged that in the circle. Louise also gave me her card, which was Lovers at the Feast which was all about hope as well as conscious eating which was very fitting.

The meditation saw me journey with Dog, who hasn't been the main guide before but was the only guide this time. I still struggle to see the faces of the Grandmother's Council and the ancestors, but I suspect thats my own ego jumping in there. I think I see people from my family but then immediately throw that idea out as it is just 'wishful thinking.' Though I guess who is to say who is right or not. Giama was the woman who gave me a gift this time, I actually kept trying to shift her image but she wouldn't stay different for long. She gave me an acorn but also a white rose. In the pool of tears I curled into a ball and mourned and cried and felt the hurt and the pain and the depth of what I was feeling. Leaving the cave saw me geared in greek armour, with golden leather boots and breastplate with a flowing white robe underneath. It felt powerful and with added protection, something that I had felt that I needed.

Louise is going to email me about her woman's group, yes that'll be the fourth one I'm potentially involved with, as well as a fundraiser she's organising.

Solo Temple

I didn't go to the shamanic circle tonight. I had had a bad nights sleep last night and it all just felt too difficult. I felt I would be bringing too much of a discordant energy to the group. Turns out it was probably a good idea as the group were going to be doing healing work with Karen who has been put on heart medication. I don't want to have interrupted that.

Tonight I reset up my own altar, taking back at least part of the spare room that had been converted into a more creative workspace.

I also did an inner temple meditation, creating my inner temple and meeting a spirit guide. My inner temple was a great field with a Greek temple in the middle of it. Inside the temple were the chambers of healing and of knowledge. Inside the chamber of knowledge I met one of my spirit guides, who my old doctor had told me was around, I just hadn't met her fully before now. Anenket is her name. She is the guide of my heart. When I asked her for what purpose recent relationships had been she said to reawaken my heart, as it had almost crystalised from inertia. i then asked what about Kim, and she brought Kim to see me. I almost cried at this point. She isn't gone, she is still here, she is just different now. And I can no longer take the big sister role with her, that needs to be healed. I also asked for advice on how I need to heal myself at the moment, and not to my surprise the answer was to let go which despaired me a little as I don't do that well. When I told Anenket this she told me the key was trust. Trust that this will be taken care of, trust that I don't have to manage it, trust that other people can do it just as well as I can. Seems simple now that I think about it but was a bit of an eye opener.

Drumming Circle - July

Tonight was my first drumming circle where we all got drums to hold and use throughout the circle. Most of the other people had their own drums but Joyce had a spare one for me to use. We drummed and chanted and sang songs. There was a small meditation in the middle of it, but it was different to Karen's circles in that it was more drumming and letting you go where you wanted to with the drums rather than a full on circle. Will have to get used to the new style.

Turtle Woman Women's Circle - July

I went back to the circle this month, despite my previous misgivings over my own ego and I'm really glad I did. I felt welcomed back immediately and safe and cocooned in the group. There were a few more women there this time, and a few women from last time were unable to make it. All up there were 11 of us, so a bigger group but still the connectedness was there.

I spoke about Mel and her scans that need to happen and put her name on the healing list. Joyce, one of the elders of the group, reminded me that we are unable to see the bigger picture and we just have to trust and let people go on their own journeys. I then told everyone of the message from Kim, of her not being sad because she can see the bigger picture.

Several of the group were undergoing pain and it was good to be reminded that we're not alone in our pain. The weird thing is, pain makes us shut off from the world and thats when we need the world, need our connections the most.

The card I pulled was Enchantment, reminding me to see the childlike joy in things. It seems I'm getting that message a lot at the moment, to enjoy life, laugh, delight in it.

The journey was interesting, I went where I was told to go. I had a new animal accompanying me, Hawk. We went to the Grandmother's Council and the messages that I got were forgiveness and fortitude. A sense that its ok, things will get better, I just need to weather it for now.

After the circle had closed I was speaking with a couple of the women and Joyce invited me to her drumming group on the 26th of July, coincidentally the full moon. It seems that when I least expect it, but open myself to it, groups and connections come out of the woodwork.

A realisation tonight was that I connected too much to a song where a guy gave the girl the breath of life, woke her up, unfroze her. And I can't always rely on that connection to be there, or fulfill that role, it is unfair of me to do so. I have to learn to fulfill it for myself, to pull myself up and light up my own life.

Daunting but true words

Turtle Woman Women's Circle

I went along to the women's circle I was invited to yesterday. It wasn't as ecstatic experience as the Red Tent circle group and I'm trying to figure out why. The group was a pretty amazing bunch of women, 7 in total including me. And we went through the smudging and then did a bit of circle to get ourselves present, followed by pulling a couple of cards (Dreamcatcher and Retreat) and journey work.

I think my problem is that I'm a bit of a snob and I have no idea why I'm acting this way. They were wonderful women but rough and I'm not sure why but I'm pulling away from this. Most of the pagan/spiritual stuff I have been involved in has felt smooth and light. This felt rough and raw, which I'm actually thinking is how shamanism should feel. And the thing is it wasn't even the ritual, or circle that has me arked up, it was talking with them afterwards.

Of the 7 women there, 6 had lost someone close to them in the last 2 years. That brought me home, grounded me, and made me realise I'm possibly living a bit too much into my grief, too much into the victim, the wound.

So it wasn't as an amazing experience as the Red Tent. I have issues I need to work through with it, primarily my own ego. I'm not sure whether I'll go back next month. I'd like to think I would, but I guess I'll see how the next few days go.