I didn't go to the shamanic circle tonight. I had had a bad nights sleep last night and it all just felt too difficult. I felt I would be bringing too much of a discordant energy to the group. Turns out it was probably a good idea as the group were going to be doing healing work with Karen who has been put on heart medication. I don't want to have interrupted that.
Tonight I reset up my own altar, taking back at least part of the spare room that had been converted into a more creative workspace.
I also did an inner temple meditation, creating my inner temple and meeting a spirit guide. My inner temple was a great field with a Greek temple in the middle of it. Inside the temple were the chambers of healing and of knowledge. Inside the chamber of knowledge I met one of my spirit guides, who my old doctor had told me was around, I just hadn't met her fully before now. Anenket is her name. She is the guide of my heart. When I asked her for what purpose recent relationships had been she said to reawaken my heart, as it had almost crystalised from inertia. i then asked what about Kim, and she brought Kim to see me. I almost cried at this point. She isn't gone, she is still here, she is just different now. And I can no longer take the big sister role with her, that needs to be healed. I also asked for advice on how I need to heal myself at the moment, and not to my surprise the answer was to let go which despaired me a little as I don't do that well. When I told Anenket this she told me the key was trust. Trust that this will be taken care of, trust that I don't have to manage it, trust that other people can do it just as well as I can. Seems simple now that I think about it but was a bit of an eye opener.
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