Dawn

This morning I sat and ate my cereal while I looked out over the backyard, rather than sitting at the computer. It made a nice, peaceful change to my morning and I was rewarded with this sunrise.

Red Tent Circle - Leo

Tonight was somewhat disappointing. I think I'm letting the facilitator get to me, she doesn't seem to be very structured and therefore her circles are quite fragmented and jumpy which I don't particularly like. Other times it hasn't bothered me quite so much but with just me, her and one other tonight it was quite strong. Not sure what to do with that. On one hand it certainly highlights doing the facilitator training, but I kind of feel like I'm betraying that group by starting my own, even though there isn't anything out this side of the city really.

One of the facilitator courses coming up is for the Inner Goddess Makeover which could be interesting.

So tonight we pulled cards and I got Athena, so all about trusting my inner wisdom which is part of the manifestations I made yesterday. In the meditation was more maiden/inner child healing being required though the meditation itself felt quite strong, we met Brigid and assisted her in birthing some lambs. The purple forest flower is my symbol.

Manifestations:

1. I will leave Fitness First
2. I will start Yoga Practice
3. I will go back to Martial Arts
4. I will relearn how to play
5. I will encourage my inner strength
6. I will listen to my inner truth
7. I will rediscover the magic of the universe
8. I will meditate twice a week
9. I will nurture myself
10. I will embrace healing

Maiden, Mother, Wise Woman Workshop

Today I had the Maiden, Mother, Wise Woman workshop run by Tanishka in Olinda. She is the woman who started up all the Red Tent Circles that I've been going to. The workshop was good, there were 5 of us plus Tanishka. A lot of it felt like I already knew it, either from previous learnings with paganism or soul knowledge.

Something that I really got today was how wounded my inner maiden is. Like majorly wounded. We started out with a meditation to visit each of the inner aspects and the maiden just took me and ran with me, showing all the areas in my life where I am wounded. This really hit home with me how much I need to work on nourishing and healing her.

The group commented on how strong the Mother and Wise Woman aspects were in me, which is possibly offsetting how wounded the Maiden is. I need to be able to integrate all 3 within me.

I came out of today with intentions to honour each of them:

Maiden: I will take time out to nourish and heal myself

Mother: I will encourage and speak my inner truth, without veils and illusions

Wise Woman: I will continue to evolve my spirituality and use it to help me on my path

These felt quite good.

Red Tent tomorrow night, seems like an intense spiritual period atm

Solo Temple

I didn't go to the shamanic circle tonight. I had had a bad nights sleep last night and it all just felt too difficult. I felt I would be bringing too much of a discordant energy to the group. Turns out it was probably a good idea as the group were going to be doing healing work with Karen who has been put on heart medication. I don't want to have interrupted that.

Tonight I reset up my own altar, taking back at least part of the spare room that had been converted into a more creative workspace.

I also did an inner temple meditation, creating my inner temple and meeting a spirit guide. My inner temple was a great field with a Greek temple in the middle of it. Inside the temple were the chambers of healing and of knowledge. Inside the chamber of knowledge I met one of my spirit guides, who my old doctor had told me was around, I just hadn't met her fully before now. Anenket is her name. She is the guide of my heart. When I asked her for what purpose recent relationships had been she said to reawaken my heart, as it had almost crystalised from inertia. i then asked what about Kim, and she brought Kim to see me. I almost cried at this point. She isn't gone, she is still here, she is just different now. And I can no longer take the big sister role with her, that needs to be healed. I also asked for advice on how I need to heal myself at the moment, and not to my surprise the answer was to let go which despaired me a little as I don't do that well. When I told Anenket this she told me the key was trust. Trust that this will be taken care of, trust that I don't have to manage it, trust that other people can do it just as well as I can. Seems simple now that I think about it but was a bit of an eye opener.