Drumming Circle - July

Tonight was my first drumming circle where we all got drums to hold and use throughout the circle. Most of the other people had their own drums but Joyce had a spare one for me to use. We drummed and chanted and sang songs. There was a small meditation in the middle of it, but it was different to Karen's circles in that it was more drumming and letting you go where you wanted to with the drums rather than a full on circle. Will have to get used to the new style.

Red Tent Circle - Cancer

The circle was larger tonight, 11 women in total. I'm not sure I liked the larger group but we shall see. Next month I'm going to sit in a different area of the circle as I have sat in the south east for the last 3 sessions.

We pulled Oracle cards and I got Isis - This situation involves your past life memories. I'm pondering perhaps this is what a past life connection is like, met in a previous life which potentially explains the connections.

It took a while to get me into the meditation, my back and neck were still, my lower back ached. I swirled into my third eye Chakra and into the boat. In between these two the space was quite dark and cavernous. I found I wanted to look around and see where I was in the boat. I didn't want to just lie there, I didn't want to trust where it was going. I started out in a large lake before it became a river. A large Greek Temple greeted me, gleaming white in the sun but with a dark entrance. I took the lantern and went into the darkness and came to a circle ampitheatre with an altar in the north. There I met Isis. She asked for when I have recently felt that I have lacked mothering and immediately I thought about recent relationships. I cried and let it out. It was/is a massive burden. She enveloped me in her arms and I felt surrounded by love, understanding and compassion. On coming out of the meditation my chest felt larger. The space between my back on the floor to my heart felt large and light which I'm taking is a good thing.

We then did a Past, Present, Future spread with one of the other women. Charlene and I pulled cards that the other person interpreted.

Past - Adili - Thoughts create your reality, be conscious of what you choose. The additional images that Charlene got were young and naive and the number 12.

Present - Glispa - Healing power within, healing through music. When we looked at the book the big things that jumped out where Shamanism and Drumming. Good thing I'm going to that Shamanic Drumming Circle in a fortnight.

Future - Isis - Heart will be healed, have faith, strength for heartbroken of the beloved, Charlene got the impression that it was a woman involved though.

Interesting reading. Isis is apparently calling at the moment and the Shamanic Drumming Circle is the way to go on the full moon.

Manifestations

I am worthy of self respect

I choose nurturing food and drink

I am capable and kick arse

I release my anger

I release unhealthy connections

I nurture myself

Maintain regular meditation

Walk frequently

See physio about back

Distance myself

Share more with P

Strengthen my back

Start Drumming

Turtle Woman Women's Circle - July

I went back to the circle this month, despite my previous misgivings over my own ego and I'm really glad I did. I felt welcomed back immediately and safe and cocooned in the group. There were a few more women there this time, and a few women from last time were unable to make it. All up there were 11 of us, so a bigger group but still the connectedness was there.

I spoke about Mel and her scans that need to happen and put her name on the healing list. Joyce, one of the elders of the group, reminded me that we are unable to see the bigger picture and we just have to trust and let people go on their own journeys. I then told everyone of the message from Kim, of her not being sad because she can see the bigger picture.

Several of the group were undergoing pain and it was good to be reminded that we're not alone in our pain. The weird thing is, pain makes us shut off from the world and thats when we need the world, need our connections the most.

The card I pulled was Enchantment, reminding me to see the childlike joy in things. It seems I'm getting that message a lot at the moment, to enjoy life, laugh, delight in it.

The journey was interesting, I went where I was told to go. I had a new animal accompanying me, Hawk. We went to the Grandmother's Council and the messages that I got were forgiveness and fortitude. A sense that its ok, things will get better, I just need to weather it for now.

After the circle had closed I was speaking with a couple of the women and Joyce invited me to her drumming group on the 26th of July, coincidentally the full moon. It seems that when I least expect it, but open myself to it, groups and connections come out of the woodwork.

A realisation tonight was that I connected too much to a song where a guy gave the girl the breath of life, woke her up, unfroze her. And I can't always rely on that connection to be there, or fulfill that role, it is unfair of me to do so. I have to learn to fulfill it for myself, to pull myself up and light up my own life.

Daunting but true words

Red Tent Circle - Gemini

The night felt quite... disconnected but that is Gemini for you, flitting from idea to idea.

We did an activity where we wrote down 10 things that we wanted to bring into our lives but each of the 10 things was based upon a theme or a question.

10 Things to Bring into My Life

1. Physical - More activity, exercise
2. Projecting onto others and bring into myself - Patience
3. Words of Power - Courage and Fortitude
4. Fill yourself with Joy - Meditation and Earth Walks
5. Centre Yourself - Meditation
6. Adjustment or Decision - Stay or Go
7. Share - Heartache
8. Who or What as travelling Companions - Horse and Dingo
9. Outcome or Goal to which I am surrendering - Direction at Work
10. Commitment - Exercise and Meditation, forming a habit of both

The Goddess Card I drew was Brigid, which was kind of surprising seeing as she was in my life for quite a while back in 2001 however had disappeared when the Greek Pantheon were making themselves known.

Let me come to you, through the mists, through the fire

She is all about finding the creative spark inside, and nurturing it.

The meditation we did was meeting an eagle and having a conversation with it to gain a message.

The message from the eagle was unclear at first, like he was waiting for me to get it. Patience and Fortitude. Keep doing my spiritual work. I got the image I have had many times of a gypsy/shaman holding an eagle with her eyes penetrating my soul. My hair was dark in the meditation, dark brown, not black. My clothes were different, instead of the usual white shift I wore a white tunic and pants with a grey woolen bolero jacket and a white scarf that flew in the wind. Indian style. The circle was up at Falls Creek, though that could be where I'm making it be. I found it easy to shift and become an eagle, connect with it. The sensation of flight wasn't especially new to me and I shifted easily back.

I need to gain/gather my strength, my power, I need to focus on it and surrender myself to it.

The manifestations that I wish to bring into my life before the next New Moon:

• Completion of All-4-Biz
• Regular Meditation Practice
• Malkuth Chapter
• Crocheting
• Exercise - Yoga and Walking

Next new moon I need to write my manifestations properly, like affirmations. They feel more powerful when I do that.

Turtle Woman Women's Circle

I went along to the women's circle I was invited to yesterday. It wasn't as ecstatic experience as the Red Tent circle group and I'm trying to figure out why. The group was a pretty amazing bunch of women, 7 in total including me. And we went through the smudging and then did a bit of circle to get ourselves present, followed by pulling a couple of cards (Dreamcatcher and Retreat) and journey work.

I think my problem is that I'm a bit of a snob and I have no idea why I'm acting this way. They were wonderful women but rough and I'm not sure why but I'm pulling away from this. Most of the pagan/spiritual stuff I have been involved in has felt smooth and light. This felt rough and raw, which I'm actually thinking is how shamanism should feel. And the thing is it wasn't even the ritual, or circle that has me arked up, it was talking with them afterwards.

Of the 7 women there, 6 had lost someone close to them in the last 2 years. That brought me home, grounded me, and made me realise I'm possibly living a bit too much into my grief, too much into the victim, the wound.

So it wasn't as an amazing experience as the Red Tent. I have issues I need to work through with it, primarily my own ego. I'm not sure whether I'll go back next month. I'd like to think I would, but I guess I'll see how the next few days go.

Moonee Ponds Healers Market - June

Today was the first time I went to the Moonee Ponds Healers Market. Its held in the community hall, down near the library. Its quite a small hall, so it was a bit crowded but all in all quite good. There were the usual tacky jewelery stalls that you get with these things, but there were also a couple of good crystal stalls. A few tarot readers, as well as a few Reiki healers. What drew my eye immediately was the Turtle Woman stall.

A wander around the stalls drew me to one of the crystal stalls where I found a piece of Unakite which I bought later and is now sitting in my bra. I signed up to have a healing with the Turtle Woman and while I waited got a quick Reiki healing which was centering I guess, but I didn't really feel it work.

The Turtle Woman stall was the best one for me. I went and immediately felt good. She did a smudge cleansing using Sage (burnt the sage in a dish and using a feather wafted it over me to cleanse me) and then we prayed for guidance from my ancestors and hers to give me what I needed in todays session.

We pulled some cards from her 3 different decks. They weren't Tarot decks, more healers decks.

Past - Protection/Obsidion

• Don't want to get rid of this, need to bring it into the future
• Have been trying to protect myself from myself

Present - Sexuality

• Needing to learn my sexuality as a woman, having it come from me, not from outside sources

Future - Squirrel

• Need to centre
• Need to take care of myself

We then asked for more clarity and one of the cards pulled out was the Storm card. When I explained to her what the significance of that card was, with Kim, she thanked me as this was the first time she was back doing healings after losing her sister in law around Mothers Day.

She asked her guides for ways to bring the protection into the future, and got images of me shrouded in mist, being unable to see through it all, which is my depression. She then said she was getting a prayer over and over in her head, the Hail Mary, which apparently she doesn't even know, and suggested that this would be a good thing for me to use.

There was no way she could have known that the last time I said that prayer was when we were sitting around Kim's body, just after she died and said the Rosary. It was like Kim coming back and saying 'You protected me, I'm here to protect you.'

She then invited me to her drumming circle that she holds on the First Monday of every month. The next one being tomorrow night. She said that she doesn't invite many people to it, but that a few of the other healers at the market go and its held in her house which is why she keeps it small.

I'm nervous but I think I might attend.

Red Tent Circle - Taurus

Tonight was my first Red Tent Circle, held at the Serpentarius Healing Centre.

Words can barely describe how at home I felt, how right it felt, my whole body and soul were saying 'yes, this is it' the entire time I was there. I almost cried from relief a couple of times. I've helf back my spirituality for so long, and then floundered when I wanted to rekindle it, that going to this event with this amazing group of women and have it work and feel good and right and home that it is such a joyous relief.

We started by talking about the new moon in Taurus and expressions of this energy (positive: creativity, planning. Negative: overeating, overindulging) and then we did a meditation.

I saw quite easily and intensely the images of the meditation, the stars, the sand and the water. I could feel the warmth of the sand beneath my feet and heard distandly the creaking of the jetty as I walked across it. The clearing with Oshun was fairly enclosed, like a womb with the beautiful pool and waterfall in the middle surrounded by large bushes of jasmine. When we were told to float in the pool and look at the stars and then connect with our star selves I felt an intense rush of energy, power and connection. My whole body sang. The warmth of the pool soothed my sore leg and shoulder slowly.

After this we chose a card from the numerous Goddess decks around the circle. I'm not sure which deck I used but I got Artemis.

I am who I am
and I know who I am

Very fitting given how lost and disconnected I have felt recently. Its reassuring and a great affirmation to work with. Also fitting that she is one of the Goddesses I identified when I oiginally started working with Shamantic techniques.

I feel amazing right now. My whole body is tingling with energy, it has released knots in my neck and shoulders, my head is buzzing. I haven't felt like this for a long time and it is such a great feeling to know that I still can. I'm actually not sure I ever felt this spiritualy powerful before.